"It's not about always being okay. Emotional balance isn't a permanent smile or an Instagram pose: it's the ability to manage what we feel, even when life is on fire," states clinical psychologist Itania María emphatically.
Talking about emotions from a managerial perspective can be uncomfortable, especially when success is often measured by productivity and control. For Itania, it's not just urgent: it's a leadership tool in itself: "Emotions aren't obstacles, they're responses that help us adapt, and when managed well, they're powerful allies.".
Always be well
Our culture promotes constant happiness, a positivity that can be toxic. “It’s okay not to be okay. To be sad, to feel anger. Real life isn’t a social media filter,” Itania insists. And for many women, the pressure to maintain a perfect image translates into emotional exhaustion, anxiety, and self-criticism.
According to data from McKinsey & Company, female leaders report higher levels of burnout and loneliness than their male counterparts, and are also more likely to provide emotional support within their teams. “This is compounded by the emotional isolation they experience in this traditionally male-dominated environment,” Itania points out.
Psychologist Itania María Chalas. (External source).
Perfection also comes at a price. “For many women, 'doing it right' isn't enough. It has to be flawless, relentless… and with a smile. That's devastating!” That's why she proposes examining internal narratives about success and creating spaces where talking about vulnerability isn't synonymous with weakness.
To inhabit chaos with awareness
The psychologist suggests simple and transformative practices to deal with everyday chaos, regulate emotional reactivity, and help make better decisions: conscious breathing breaks between tasks, walks without a cell phone, or looking out the window for a few minutes to reconnect with the present.
A powerful practice is the “emotional self-check at the end of the day.” Ask yourself: How did I feel today? What part of me needs attention? What did I do that made me feel proud? This introspection makes all the difference between accumulated burnout and sustained resilience.
Building support networks with other women leaders is key: “Safe conversations validate emotions and alleviate loneliness. These alliances nurture well-being and increase retention in leadership positions,” says the family therapist.
Regular, do not repress
We mistakenly believe that emotional intelligence means suppressing our feelings. “Suppressing an emotion doesn't eliminate it. On the contrary: it grows and affects long-term mental health. Regulating it involves recognizing, validating, and consciously managing it.”.
How can you avoid reacting automatically in a tense situation? “The body gives warnings: racing heart, clenched jaw, racing thoughts. We can pause before reacting.” One technique she recommends: inhale for four counts, pause for two, exhale for six… and repeat.
“No”: an act of integrity
Setting healthy boundaries is one of the most difficult tasks for many professional women, especially those raised to be people-pleasers. “Saying 'no' without guilt is a form of self-care. You're not selfish for prioritizing yourself. You're being whole.”.
And self-care, Itania clarifies, isn't just about spa routines. "It's about listening to what you need, supporting yourself even when it's uncomfortable. It's about examining your beliefs, setting boundaries, and cultivating habits that nourish you, not just distract you.".
In times when appearing flawless can be tempting, Itania is clear: “Being authentic is more impactful than being perfect. Leading with authenticity is more human, and therefore, more powerful.” The link between self-knowledge and leadership is significant. “Knowing yourself strengthens your decision-making, your relationships, and allows you to lead with purpose.”.
Over the fire without getting lost
To conclude, Itania leaves you with a lucid and inspiring message, woman who feels like she's walking through fire, holding everything, without letting go of anything:
“Practice self-compassion. Read, seek out resources, allow yourself to experience pleasure: listen to music, laugh with your children, be with yourself without demands. Go to therapy, not because you are broken, but because you want to continue growing. And, above all, remember that you are not alone. Supporting yourself is also a skill that can be learned.”.
